I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
