Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i need to put some appletini on your dick
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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