I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
