wat bout pragnant strippers??
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
