So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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