you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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