final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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