i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
