If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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