she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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