Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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