i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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