you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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