Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
