she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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