Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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