I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
