So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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