"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
