im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
