Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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