Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
my poor anus
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
