I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
