I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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