We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
