wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
