Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I pour the whiskey from now on
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
