Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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