Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
