I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
