just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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