i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
