Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
