girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize