how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
