I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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