i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
