Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
