omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
