Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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