am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
