if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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