Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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