idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
