I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
