Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
