Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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