I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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