Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
