What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
