If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
