You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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