I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
