There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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