You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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