You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My dick has a subreddit
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
And then he peed in my hair
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