just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
