I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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