can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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