hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
