how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
