I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
