I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She needs sedatives and a leash
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
