the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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