How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize