last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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