wrigley field is MILF paradise
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Drake has all the answers
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
