I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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