after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
