My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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