wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
