I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
